What a Cybersecurity Professional Hates Hearing: The Top 10 List

Courtesy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facepalm

Hey there, fellow cyber enthusiasts! I’ve been diving deep into the digital matrix for two decades, and over this time, I’ve encountered some pretty… interesting requests and comments. As a 20-year-old experienced cybersecurity professional (yes, I started young – think diapers and decryption), I thought I’d share some of the things that make me roll my eyes harder than a faulty random number generator.

Without further ado, here’s my personal Top 10 list!

1. “So… can you hack my ex’s Instagram account?”
   Firstly, not cool. Secondly, I’m not your personal vendetta specialist. My skill-set is for good, not evil. Or at least not for your latest romantic entanglement.
2. “You’re in cybersecurity? So, you’re basically the Mr. Robot of real life, right?”
   As much as I love that show, my life isn’t a continuous stream of dramatic keyboard tapping with a dark hoodie on. Well, maybe the hoodie part is accurate…
3. “Oh, you couldn’t possibly be into Cybersecurity or hacking! You look so…normal.”
   Thank you? Sorry to break it to you, but there isn’t a universal ‘hacker’ dress code. We don’t all wear black and have neon lights illuminating our mysterious faces.
4. “Can you help? I forgot my email password.”
   This is the digital age equivalent of a mechanic hearing, “My car makes this weird noise… can you fix it?” without any additional details.
5. “I have nothing to hide, so I don’t care about privacy.”
   That’s like saying you don’t care about freedom of speech because you have nothing to say. But hey, if you really don’t care, can I have your credit card details?
6. “Why do we even need cybersecurity? Just don’t visit shady websites, and you’ll be fine!”
   Oh, how I wish it were that simple! But imagine thinking the only way to catch a cold is by literally asking someone to sneeze on you.
7. “You must be so good at remembering passwords!”
   Sure, but what I’m really good at is using a password manager. Not all heroes use their memory.
8. “Virus? Just put it in rice.”
   Ah yes, the classic tech solution for every problem. Got malware? Rice. Phishing attack? Rice. Advanced persistent threat from a nation state? You guessed it, rice.
9. “I’ve installed antivirus, so I’m 100% safe now.”
   And I put an umbrella in my drink, so I’m protected from rain. Logic!
10. “I got this email from a Nigerian Prince…”
    Oh dear, did you reply? Don’t answer that. Just… come sit down, and we’ll have a chat.

I could go on, but I’ll spare you. Next time you bump into your friendly neighborhood cybersecurity pro, maybe stick to asking them about their day. Or at the very least, avoid asking for personal vendetta hacking tips.

If you got a chuckle or even a smirk out of this, give it a share. Let’s spread some cyber humor to the masses!